Leah Ann

I haven't been ready to post an update since that last post which is now already a month old. The last month has been a roller coaster ride. My fluid after that last post continued to go down until there was none left, and it was determined that I had ruptured my membranes at 18 weeks. Basically, my water broke- just 22 weeks too early. There is no treatment for this besides trying to stay well hydrated and stay in bed. So that's what I have been doing for the last 6 weeks, knowing that it could very well not make any difference, but still determined to do everything I could do give our little baby girl a chance.

Monday night I wasn't feeling well- and didn't sleep well through the night. About 4:30 Tuesday morning I started having contractions. Although I didn't go through labor with Ella because she was born via c-section, I knew that contractions 5 minutes apart meant I needed to be seen right away. I was admitted to Sacred Heart Hospital Labor and Delivery at 7am- already 3 cm dilated. My blood tests showed an elevated white count which meant I was getting, or already had an infection (one of the major risks of having ruptured membranes for so long). The baby's heart was beating, but with some signs of distress. Because of the infection there was no option but to let nature take its course and let the labor progress.

Leah Ann was born at 5:18pm on July 6th, 2010 at 22 weeks +5 days gestation. She weighed 1 lb 6oz and was 10 3/4 inches long. We could see her little heart beating, but she did not open her eyes or take any breaths. She was very peaceful and we know this was Heavenly Father's plan for her.

We were able to spend some precious time with Leah and we feel peace. We are very grateful for her life, and for her sweet little Spirit.

I have not been very public about my emotions through this pregnancy- in fact, many friends did not even know that we were expecting. Some of this I thought would just come with time-(unfortunately, something we did not have much of). It was very difficult to go into the ultrasound where we were excited to find out what we were having, and leave with the sick feeling that there was a very real chance our baby would not live. The last 6 weeks have been the most difficult weeks of my life.

I can not deny the tender mercies we have been shown, the love that we have felt and the strength of God that has been so abundantly available to us through all of this. There is nothing easy about this, but it is easier for us right now because we know without any doubt that God has been acutely aware of us through everyday of this pregnancy. He has heard our prayers, and the prayers of our dear family and friends- and I feel so strongly that I know our prayers have been answered- although differently than how we had hoped.

I don't know what the days ahead will hold for us as far as our emotions go, but I do know that We feel peace. We feel gratitude. We feel SO very loved, by so many people in our lives - Family, friends, co-workers and especially by our Heavenly Father. We will get through this. Thank you for your prayers, your phone calls- even if I don't answer them I save your messages and have listened to them many times. Thank you for your emails and texts. We feel your love and support and please know that we appreciate you.