Just your average 11pm "can't sleep" random rantings

Today I found Ella with her diaper off, trying to sit on a 2 inch, pink plastic, dollhouse toilet with a wet wipe in her hand. The image is priceless.
This made me realize 2 things:
1. Its time to to start buying some potty training books and figure this stuff out, and
2. My little baby is not so little anymore. Although she is only two she totally qualifies as a "little girl" complete with dramatic meltdowns, (also due to being in that terrible 2 window) and habitual clothing changes throughout the day. I'm talking 6-7 pairs of pants and hour. Then I put them all away and the process starts over. By the end of the day I find pants, shoes, socks and shirts that she has unsuccessfully tried to make work as pants all over the house.

2 weeks ago I posted about my love/hate relationship with being a stay at home mom (among other love/hate relationships..to be followed up on later). I really read and took to heart some of the great advice left as comments (thank you!) and I realized that I am not alone in feeling inadequate or just plain unsuccessful at motherhood sometimes. Every good mother has days when she feels like she is not doing a good job. I am now convinced that mothers that don't think they have bad days are the ones who are just too busy worrying about how good they look or how clean their house is to notice all of the things they are doing wrong in the mothering department. (now, is that just a poor attempt at justifying my messy house and poor bathing habits)?? Really?

Since Ella is almost 2 (March 11th) of course I often get the "so, is it time for #2 yet?" question. My Favorite thing to do right now is wear "just to keep them guessing outfits" to church and work. You know the bagging around the waste, baby doll or wrap around types. So fun! Of course we are thinking about it...and even more than thinking about it, but sometimes these things don't follow a perfect little schedule of events...so in the mean time....I might as well give people something to talk about right?!!

I was talking to my dad tonight. I love talking to my dad. He always has such wise advice for me, mingled with compliments and encouragement that only a dad can put just right. Tonight though, he said something that keeps repeating in my mind. Because so many of us kids will probably end up living far away from sunny SD, he said that he hopes that all of his children will always be able to come home for a siblings wedding and for funerals. How strange to think of those two events in the same sentence. I'm sure he was referring to any family funeral (not necessarily one of my own siblings funerals, as that would be too awful to even talk about). But the way it sounded just made me...shiver.

If I were to totally simplify the progression of life as I understand it, it would include the following steps. We are born, grow up, get married, have children, die. I'm talking really simplify it, of course. I know, and understand that because we are born, we must also die, but I'm not ready to think about or deal with death any more than I have already had to thus far. My uncle Ben died about 5 years ago at the age of 30.
My brother Matt just turned 30.
In two years (2 very quick years) I will be 30. I find it to be a very sobering thought. One that I am not going to think about anymore tonight.

I should post some pictures. Pictures are way more fun than random rantings at 11 pm.Someone at work asked if this was a picture of Ella and my husband. Props to you dad for looking so good for your age ;)
Latest family pictures. I feel like those fake black beads make me look "mature"--as in old. I busted out my old jack purcels after we got these pictures back...and I did smokey eyes and ponytails for a whole week. Smokey eyes and ponytails make me feel young for some reason. Not that 28 is old....because it is not, of course, old....but I didn't like feeling old.

My sister n law is scheduled to have a c-section on March 5th. She is having twins. How exciting! How totally terrifying!! I am already marking my calendar with lots of hours of helping time for her and babysitting times for the 3 year old brother of these soon to be babies. But, although I plan to do many, many good deeds and to love my soon to be new niece and nephew as much as any good aunt does....I am secretly mad that their birthdays will fall just one week before Ella's. Her 3 year old's bday also falls just 3 weeks before ella's.
Will Ella's birthday always be in the shadow of her cousins?? Will everyone be all birthday partied out when March 11th finally comes around? Am I destined to a life of trying to one-up the Butner twins big birthday celebrations?

Oh the things to worry about when you only have one child to worry about. A few years, and hopefully a few kids from now, I will probably not care at all...and will only be concerned with whether or not I even remembered my first born's birthday at all. I, myself, am only just the second born in my family of 8 children and I remember many good years of making my own birthday cakes. Ha! poor, poor me. I made up for it though, with the big "sweet 16" bash I planned for myself. Complete with a live band and a bounce house....wait, I think I had a bounce house....but its kind of foggy....maybe I didn't after all. I definitely had a live band though.
Can anyone confirm the bounce house?

It is officially time to end this midnight posting. Hopefully, very few people have lost valuable life minutes actually reading this.